I've never met you. You're famous. In fact, you might even be dead already. Your fans are worried. But that doesn't stop your cuteness from being paraded around the internet... for all to see; for all to feel.
Your eyes and nose and mouth are crammed into the bottom of your tiny face, frozen in a permanent frown. Your grumpiness is so winsome, it hurts. It hurts so much that I want to grab you by your two pointy ears and throw you at a wall, as your forgiving heart stops before you feel the pain of the smash. Then comes the good part...
Your even further smushed face glides down the wall, leaving behind a trail of blood and slobber as your eyes bulge out from your sockets like a cartoon character that never dies. But you died. You had to die.